Grief is a funny thing. It's a ride that one can't seem to get off. I still feel wrapped in the outpouring of support and love from my friends and family. They are on this ride with me but it seems I'm in a car all by myself. Frankly, I miss my Mother. The exhaustion of the past year has come crashing down around my family. I'm getting enough sleep and enjoying some down time in El Paso but the reality of the situation just seems to be looming in the shadows. My life has changed.. dramatically.
The strangest things will set off little "moments" of sadness. Today it was a stupid little grocery list that I found in a coat pocket of hers. Seeing her handwriting just sent me spiraling. My Mother had amazing handwriting. I did not acquire this penmanship from her. Mine looks pretty but is basically illegible. Mom took great pride in writing notes and even signing her name on a check. She would very carefully sign her beautiful name and it looked like a computer generated signature. Gorgeous!
The roller coaster has fewer ups and downs these days. There are more straight passages filled with great memories and new experiences. But there are still deep valleys and I know that eventually I will rise out of them.
I'm sorry to the downbeat post today. I'm using the blog as a tool to help me through this time. It helps to keep a record of what I'm experiencing. Maybe it will help someone who is facing a similar situation. I can only hope that it does.
Love,
~Mel
It's been my experience that grief is a solitary process. Everyone has a different timetable and develops different coping skills as they make their way through.
ReplyDeleteI have no doubt that you'll experience fewer lows in time and will be comforted by happy memories.
But when you wrote "Frankly, I miss my Mother," that resonated powerfully with me. My Mother passed more than 30 years ago and, frankly, I still miss my Mother.
I can only conclude that we were both blessed with wonderful mothers.