The Rapture, Ronnie and Revelations....

I am hear to announce that I am firmly ensconced back into my New York apartment.  Well, maybe not firmly as my room kind of looks like world war three hit it and the mountain that is my suitcase is set at a jaunty angle right in the middle of the floor, of course.  Ahhh it's good to be home.  I had a wonderful time in Salt Lake City.  It was a journey of many different emotions and revelations, but I'll come to that in a minute.

Firstly, let's just touch on the Rapture. Yes, I am still here.  I know there were a few rumors circulating about my "poofing" into the ether but they are false claims dear friends.  I was in SLC on doomsday.  Saturday was a glorious day, one of the few in my last few weeks  there.  70 degrees and sun shining down on the snow covered mountains.  The show Friday night was well received and recorded for a future broadcast, I'll be sure to let you know when it's streaming.  After the show I had the oddest need to just return to my hotel and spend some time alone.  This cast was very social and I really loved and needed that interaction.  But on this night, the eve of the beginning of the end I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.  I'm a spiritual person.  I was raised in the Methodist church and happily have continue my relationship with God.  In every dark corner and bright spot light that is my journey I know I'm not without his good company.  By church standards I'm every bit a heathen and I know my mezzo self would not have been evaporated at 6pm on Saturday.  But, I don't live by the rules of man, I'm governed by my God who lives in my heart and guides me from day to day.  I know this end of the world hullabaloo was a huge marketing campaign and obviously has backfired a bit for those that proclaimed it.  I will admit that this event did make me think.  I took the time to sit on my rainy balcony and pray and commune with my spiritual father.  These 4 weeks have been filled with more than one tear and fall in your bed at night exhaustive episodes.  I had a bout of insomnia and dealt with my out of shape legs as I forced myself to walk the park everyday so I could march up and down those stairs in a 25 pound costume.  Friday night allowed me the time to say a quiet thank you to the forces at work that made it possible for me to be successful on this job.  In the end I suppose the rapture rampage did do it's job, It made me think and be still and quiet with my God.

Let's move on to my second "R" or as I will loving call it: Why it's so important that my Dad came to see me on this gig.  Dad arrived on the Monday of our 2nd performance.  I had the great joy of having him in the audience for not one but TWO performances.  With Mom's illness in the past few years they had not been able to travel as much as they would have wanted.  They were able to make it to Seattle a few years ago and I will count that among one of my most favorite trips with them.  When I was in college I was cast in a production of Tartuffe.  My Father was so excited about me returning to a straight play he made the special effort to fly in for the weekend to see me perform.  He came alone and left Pam and Mom in El Paso.  I remember hearing him laugh during my entrances and clap the loudest when I took my bow.  I also remember him making scrambled eggs and bacon at my apartment for a few members of the cast after the show.  It was one of many bonding experiences I've had with my Dad surrounding the theatre and his undying devotion and love of it.  We also shared the bond of caring for my Mom during some of her most trying times.  Dad spent the week with me in Salt Lake and it was so wonderful to have him there.  The time was easy and relaxing and a great touchstone for both of us.  I haven't seen him in a couple of months and this trip served as a good temperature gage to our progress on this foreign grief journey.  it was a relaxed and easy time filled with laughs and a few tears.  I love my Dad and friday night during the performance I felt a hole in the theatre where he should have been.

Lastly, every gig brings one or two revelations.  This one was no different.  I was quite shocked at how much energy it took me somedays to just make it to rehearsal.  I've done this role many times and it truly is my favorite opera.  It is a privilege to undertake Verdi's masterpiece day after day.  My head knows all these things but my heart sometimes ached for the Melissa that was pre Mom illness.  I suffered through Easter and Mother's day on this gig.  Not only Mother's day but Mother's day on steroids in Utah where Mothers are so revered.  I chose to spend this day alone and not speak to anyone.  I had many messages and even a beautiful rose plant from my sister friend Sherry to cheer me.  All of these made for an easier time of it.  One the day though, as I hunkered down in bed with my Marriot breakfast , drapes drawn and movies streaming I heard the cry of the Mother's day parade happening RIGHT OUTSIDE MY HOTEL ROOM.  It was a true, "why me" moment until I had to laugh.  I executed this day down to the comfort food I had stockpiled for later in the day and here is the universe sending me the signal that life does go on and hiding behind heavy hotel black out curtains is not always the answer.  So, I threw the curtains open and ambled out to the balcony in my pj's and biscuits and gravy and allowed the joy of the Mother's day to wash over me.  I celebrated my Mother in the only way I was able that day.  I laughed, I cried and I was as authentic a person I could possibly be.  Pj's and smiles, just like Mom would have wanted.

~Mel

PS. It seems as if we have until October to get our spiritual house in order.  Whew, I better get to cleaning!!!!

Packing up my old kit bag....

Well, I'm taking this change thing on the road.  I'm on my first official gig after losing Mom.  It's been just over 3 months since she left this mortal coil and I am still adapting to my new self.  Operation Flashy Jacket  has finally started in earnest. 12 pounds down and counting! When I returned to New York I tried to start about one thousand new projects all on the same day.  Losing weight, organizing my life, finding the perfect life mate and becoming the woman my Mother always wanted me to be.  Of course, all of this project piling left me feeling depleted, defeated and down right destroyed.  I'm hear to tell you folks, it's impossible to lose 100 pounds, start a relationship and restructure your life in ONE DAY.  Shocking I know!

So, I took a little time to make a few little changes at a time.  Firstly, leaving the house.  Not as easy as one would imagine.  Secondly, packing for a gig.  Truly daunting this time.  All of my clothes seemed to have turned against me and my well oiled packing machine apparently was in the shop.  Thirdly, getting on the damn plane.  As I walked through the airport I just knew someone was going to stop and ask me what was wrong.  Strangely, I was shocked when they didn't.  Can't you people see that I'm different?  Yes, my fellow TSA friends, it's not the same Melissa Parks that you usually torment with your inefficient and intrusive ways.  I'm not the same.  I feel like my grief is tattooed on my skin for all to see.  But it isn't.  No one knows.  In one way I'm grateful for that, in another I want to shout it from the rooftops. There is no rhyme or reason to this strange little dance we call grief.

Salt Lake City greeted me with snow showers. Now it's almost 80.  I love this ever changing weather.  It's much like my mood...snowy one day and sunny the next.  Such is life.  The production looks wonderful and the cast is witty and very talented.  It's good to be back in the swing of things.  My voice still sounds like an alien to me.  I swear it's changed in timbre. I think for the better.  After all, swords forged by fire are always the sharpest.

~Mel