Beach Blanket Bingo!

I am truly a blessed woman.  Counting all of them would take days and I have committed myself to keeping a grateful attitude.  It's easier said than done at times.  But even in the face of life's little bugaboos I really am focusing on the positive side.

As some of you may have gleaned I have a new love in my life.  He's truly a blessing and we are simply having just the best time! Part of this experience was a wonderful Christmas gift of a cruise to the Caribbean.  Well, dear friends, I am fresh off the boat, sun kissed, relaxed, over fed and laughed out beyond belief.  We had such a great time!  Let me touch on just a few highlights and special moments from out experience.

We sailed from NYC.  This was nothing short of magical!  I have cruised before but never from just down the road and let me tell you.....life changing!  Brad and I hopped a taxi to the pier and were having a nosh and a pina colada within the hour.  We were blessed with lovely weather the day we sailed and I was able to capture some wonderful pictures of the new Freedom tower. I have seen it up close but not from the water and it is powerful addition to our fair city.

We spent the next few days at sea.  Because of the time of year and the amount of water we needed to cover it was a rough few days.  Thankfully my dear sister gave me some patches and I would not have been able to enjoy these days without them.  I am prone to sea sickness and this smoothed the rough edges.  These few days we got to experience the glorious transition from winter to warmer summer air.  The moist sun filled air soothed me to the core.  I know I'm preaching to the choir here but this winter has simply sucked the life out of NYC, and more specifically me.  Between the icy sidewalks, snowy banks and grey skies, topped off by my recent injuries have left me with  dirty dishwater disposition and a pallor worthy of any Dickensian novel. I needed this brightening up and am so grateful for the trip.

Our first port o' call was beautiful Old San Juan, Puerto Rico.  Sadly we had a very short amount to time to explore the city.  Brad has been to Puerto Rico many times and knew of a wonderful restaurant famous for it's deep fried Red Snapper.  We hopped a cab and in no time were darkening the door of El Jibaritto.  The charming atmosphere, ice diet cokes and delectable fish was a real treat.  Here's a picture of our friend.

Before:

And After:

Next up was picturesque St. Maarten.  I have never travelled to the Carribean before and I was simply enchanted with the beautiful crystal waters and soothing air.  The weather was flawless.  A perfect 85 degrees with expansive blue skies.  We spent the day at the wonderful Divi resort were we met a new friend.

This is Gizmo:

It is his restaurant and here we munched on fresh grilled shrimp.  The gorgeous water simply beckoned us and I tried to bust out my best tropical fashion:

It was an extraordinary day and I could begin to feel the icy winter leave my bones.  Bit by bit I was defrosting.  I will never forget the color of these waters.  My Father calls it "Disneyland Water".  He's right and I am pretty convinced that little island gnomes creep into the night and dye the water this azure potion.

The next day we hit St. Thomas.  One spectacular view after another.  We opted to cab it to Magen's bay, one of the top rated beaches in the world.  We hoped on a beach shuttle and were treated to a little tour of the island.  I always love to step off of the beaten path and I did enjoy seeing a little bit of the local scene.  I'd love to go back to St. Thomas. The people, the air, the water and the fresh seafood are on the top of my list.  One surprise was that my cell phone worked here!  It is a US territory and frankly my reception was better here than in NYC!  I was able to facetime with Dad for a bit and he got to see this astounding beach.  It was as if he was with me for a bit.  I cannot wait to take him here someday.  What a marvel technology can be!

Our next day was spent exploring a new port for Norwegian cruise line.  Samana, Dominican Republic is one of the most undeveloped sections of the Island.  Brad and I being the adventurers that we were chose to forge our own way and hit the pier running.  They have no formal pier so we were shuttled by boat to a small docking station.  This process is called tendering.  We caught an early tender and found ourselves bombarded by the local shop keepers and taxi drivers.  We did a little shopping and Brad really got into negotiating for items.  It was fun.  We found a "taxi" to take us to one of the local beaches.  I use this term lightly.  It was basically a metal cart attached to a moped!  They took us to Annabel beach where we enjoyed another delicious snapper, cold presidente beer and warm beautiful water for a delicious swim.  

We tendered back to the island around 3:00 pm for a 4 pm sail time. While on the tender I noticed a beautiful older woman with absolutely stunning hands and fingernails.  Her fingers were dotted with tasteful diamonds and a lovely coral bracelet.  I noticed her right away.  She was wearing crisp white slacks and a colorful cotton blouse.  In other words, she was my Mom, if Mom had lived to see her 80's.  I was truly gobsmacked by my reaction to seeing this elegant woman.  She was with her sprightly husband and was enjoying every minute of our short tender journey.  I mused on the immense injustice of my Mother's early passing.  She and Dad should have been with Brad and I . Laughing, haggling and exploring uncharted territory.  I cry foul, universe, FOUL!  Luckily, sunburned cheeks and sunglasses hid my misty moment.  I was shocked at my reaction.  I just couldn't take my eyes off this stunning woman. She was a vision and a little embodiment of Mother and her love to travel and tasteful Caribbean haberdashery.  I never saw her again on this trip and I like to think she was placed in my eye line to let me physically enjoy the presence of Mom.   

The following days at sea were filled with Bingo, slot tourneys, craps table adventures, deck lounging, steak consuming and book devouring.  All in all the week was just what the doctor ordered.  One of my favorite things was returning to our cabin from an evening of reggae and colada's to a towel animal placed in our cabin by our steward.  Here are a couple of my most favorite:

We returned this morning to this love letter from NYC:

This is the very deck where I was luxuriating a mere 24 hours before.  It was a charming surprise actually because at my core I feel this:

Which has a lot to do with this:

Thank you, my sweet, for helping this ice princess to melt.

Asking....

Isn't it amazing how time flies?  It slips from our fingers like tiny, slippery grains of sand.  6 months since my last entry and so many wonderful things have entered my life. Adventures, triumphs and even a new love have engulfed me like a welcoming warm blanket. I promise more detail about these things in the near future but today I need to talk about my recent experience with, that ever sexy and  titillating  subject....sciatic nerve pain.

A little over 3 weeks ago I woke up with a little tension in my lower back.  Nothing out of the ordinary caused this pain, no heavy rock lifting or super human antics.  Just sleep.  Yes, I was betrayed by my fancy new bed.  I suppose I should have kept the bag of rocks and straw I'd been sleeping on. Well, hindsight..and all that jazz.  By that evening I was couched and flat on my back wincing at every little twist and turn.  It hurt when I was still, it hurt when I was moving, you get my point.  The next morning I simply could not get out of bed.  I truly thought that it would vanish with a little advil and a good nights sleep.  That day is when my numb toes arrived and I knew I was having my first attack of sciatica.  My Father has suffered with this condition for years and I've watched him struggle and fight through it like the true champion he is.  I had no idea this is what he was going through and now have first hand knowledge of his experience. It is dreadful.  I spent the next few days holed up and suffering. Remember, dear friends, I live on the 3rd floor of a walk up building. I was trapped.  Ron was on a gig and I was alone in the house.  I think it took me 3 or 4 days to admit to anyone that I was down for the count.  Even then I kept a lot of the gruesome details to myself.  Suffering in a self pity soup for days on end.  Miserable.  Lots of screaming, tears and "why mes" rained down upon the streets of upstate manhattan.

I was well cared for on the weekends by my wonderful beau, Brad. He was a force of nature, cooking, cleaning, shopping and ice bagging for me.  What a blessing he is.  The weekdays were much harder.  Although I really did not want any witnesses to my situation I admit those days dragged on.  I've never been confined to bed for so long.  More than two minutes on my feet brought on an excruciating radiation of pain down my leg.  Think charlie horse, times 10.  Unbearable.

During these past few weeks the anniversary of my Mother's passing occurred.  It seems unbelievable that 3 years have passed so quickly.  That elusive life beach of slippery sand flows so quickly. My thoughts rest with Mom so often.  Even more during this period.  My Mother spent the better part of the last year of her life in bed.  After her first surgery she never fully healed and the disease just attacked her from every angle and took her from us one piece at a time.  In this time I never once saw my Mother reduced to the places I went these past weeks.  I saw her frustrated, angry and hesitant but honestly, the full blown melt down I experienced was not pretty folks.  I'm sure Mom had her private moments.  But, her strength and grace were simply outer worldly and I have no idea how she survived it for as long as she did.  Simply put, she was the strongest person I've ever known.

The worst betrayal in the world in one that involves your own body.  I've been a lucky woman.  I'm generally healthy and strong.  I've had a few spills on stage but for the most part I've been so fortunate.  I was simply at a loss when Ron returned home.  Stuck in bed for weeks and the pain just seemed to persist in a most pervasive way.  No relief, even with drugs, stretching, rest, ice...it all just seemed so futile.

Then I stepped outside of my comfort zone and did something I rarely do.  I posted about it on facebook.  Within a few minutes my inbox and comments were filled with well wishes, prayers and suggestions for doctors, acupuncturist, massage therapists etc.  It was a miracle.  I cannot understate this.  I don't speak about my faith very often.  It is such a personal journey for me.  God and I spent a lot of time together these few weeks.  Mostly me screaming and questioning.  Bringing up biblical healing and wondering what I had done to be forsaken so.  I never claimed not to be a drama queen, even one of biblical proportions.  When the deafening silence became to much I broke down and vented into cyberspace and every prayer was answered.  I've now met a most amazing massage therapist who comes to my apartment to help me.  He's a good Texas boy, West Texas A&M graduated, TEXAS musical veteran, and I can not overstate how valuable our sessions have been.  I now have connections to all sorts of professionals to help me with this issue.

As a singer I play my cards very close to my vest when it comes to personal matters.  It seems so strange to be in a profession that demands emotional vulnerability on stage and autonomy off of it.  It's also just in my nature to be private and not ask anything of anyone.  It's an art form, asking for help, and I am not a very good artist when it comes to that.  I suppose I equate it to weakness which is something I abhor, especially in myself. My perspective has changed. God did heal me, in a most unexpected way.  He broke down one of my most impenetrable walls and led me to ask for help. This is much bigger than a little jolt to my hip.  Mysterious ways are his trademark.

As to my healing, I'm better.  Still sore, and mornings are an adventure but I'm walking and even have left the apartment, once.  It was 22 degrees and snow filled and the most beautiful day I've experienced!   I have a gig next week, Beethoven's wonderful 9th symphony, and I know I will be just fine.  Now to transfer my new found help seeking skills into my everyday life.  I would never balk at helping anyone in need in anyway I can.  It is absurd to shirk at the idea of reaching out myself.  I'm a believer folks and I have one almighty power to thank for putting all you amazing people in my life.

Summer Lovin'

Hello blogosphere!

Summer has finally arrived here in ye olde New York City. As in years past it seems to appear in the blink of an eye.  One rainy Tuesday it hovers around 52 degrees and then, seemingly without warning, the mercury rises to 90 and some change.  i complain about it every year, as do most of my NYC brothers and sisters.  But let's face it folks.  THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR!  We start to yearn for blossoms, beer gardens and bermuda shorts during those few short tease days in late April.  We convince ourselves that this is the mysterious season spring, that so many people speak about.  We spend weekend hours productively folding and putting away our winter wardrobes and pulling out the treasures found at last years end of season sales.  Kelly green sundress???  What magical elf left you in my storage bin this winter?  It is a wondrous and effervescent time.  What we do not realize is that those same sundress elves are plotting our demise when they slam us with the scarf, sweater and sun depravation weather.  I wore a TURTLE NECK to the farmer's market last weekend.  A TURTLE NECK.  Mother nature you are a fickle beast and please remind me never to land on your bad side.

Although the temps will dip again, thankfully, in the coming week I do believe I can safely pack up my cashmere and move on to the delights of summer dressing.  I grew up in El Paso Texas where it is quite possible to wear sandals 300 days of the year, if not more.  I remember having to buy a heavy winter coat when I left home for college.  They say the only thing between the North pole and North Texas is a barbed wire fence, and it's down half the time.  I was almost prepared for my move to the East Coast oh so many years ago.  But is anyone really EVER prepared for the East coast?  So, the glee and delight I feel in being able to don a pair of shorts and sandals to go to market this morning is joyous.  Of course, in true New Yorker form we are all complaining about the heat.  I fear if we are every truly happy and content here in the big city the apple would simply stop turning and the apocalypse might be among us. Gratefully, knowing my fellow apples, we are in very little danger of this happening.  We live for being malcontented and grouchy. Ok, maybe that's just me.  But I know I'm not alone in this.  There is something so unifying about kwetching at the deli about this and that.  It's the glue that holds this great city together.  That and food delivery, well delivery of any kind really.  When that stops I'm officially out of here.

I've rambled enough, I'm off to put on that surprise kelly green dress and head to a fabulous BBQ.  Another treat here in the dirty city.....BBQ's!  I'll think of you as I'm chopping down on a rib trying not to ruin my new couture!

Stay cool mes amis!

Family Ties

The importance of family to me is obvious from my previous posts.  I have been blessed with the most supportive, hilarious, and loving family.  I know this to be true and I am grateful for it every day.  A few weeks ago I had the extreme pleasure to sing with my hometown opera company.  The production was lively, colorful and most importantly well attended.  The true boon of this experience was getting to spend a lot of quality time with my Dad.  We had such a wonderful time singing together at church, teaching together at the high school where he was brought on to do some coaching, and exploring new culinary delights in El Paso.  WHY must there be so many culinary delights in El Paso??  There isn't a corner store that doesn't boast a delectable treat or some sort.  For a foodie such as myself it is a veritable playground.

When I returned to New York my heart and soul remained with my family and I had this overwhelming urge to visit my cousins in Mississippi for Easter.  I am a planning fool when it comes to travel and the idea of a spontaneous trip is quite unlike me.  But the urge was there and I knew I would be happier if I took the leap.  Luckily, I had good airfare karma.  Also, trying to implement my NOW credo I made the arrangements.

I'm so elated I made this trip.  My cousins made me feel like a Queen.  I got to spend time with my impressive and so very adult cousin Laura.  She is a graduate student at LSU and I am so in awe of the woman she has become.  I really enjoyed our time together and could not be prouder of what she and her sisters have accomplished.  My sweet cousin Martha treated me as one of her own and even had an easter basket waiting for me when I arrived Friday night.  It was chock full of treasures and it was such a welcoming gesture.  Martha and my Mother were extremely close. They were raised more like sisters than cousins.  She has some of the same mannerisms and sensibilities of Mom.  I hadn't realized how similar they were until I just observed her in the kitchen. It struck me that I craved her presence because I wanted to be near my Mother.  I hadn't even realized this until this moment.

We were treated to an Easter feast that afternoon and I had the joy of spending time with my other cousin Dennis and his family.  Their daughter has grown into a lovely young woman and I was so pleased to get so see them all.  Kay even had a little Christmas present for me!  I felt so warm and cherished this weekend.

I am deeply grateful for my family.  It is easy for me to feel disconnected from them because I live so far away.  I also admit that I am not the best at keeping in touch.  But thats the rub, they are your family and part of you resides in them just as they reside in you.  I need but look in the mirror or to my sister to see my Mothers face or hear her sweet voice.  She is in us.  What a lucky woman I am, indeed.

NOW!

Spring is struggling here in the big apple.  The buds are pushing through with a stubborn east coast focus against this endless chill that has settled over the city.  It is a clear, blue skied morning here in upper manhattan.  The breeze flows through my gauzy curtains, even if it must worm its way across the heat blast of my out of control radiator.  Even though the winter is long, spring in inevitable.  It may take months to fully realize the transition but New Yorkers will once again be fanning themselves on subway platforms and complaining about the muggy, claustrophobic air that engulfs the city in the summer time.

Perhaps this year we won't complain as much.  Knowing what a hard winter we had will somehow affect that inevitable "complain" sensor that most New Yorkers have.  I have it.  For example, I can't stand in line.  I hate it.  When I am out of the city and must stand in line I blame whatever part of the country I'm in, what country I'm in, the climate, attitude and general being of whomever has to be in my orbit as I'm waiting in line.  Disneyland and I are not always on good terms because of this.  Fast pass...really?  But I digress.  There seems to be a switch that flips when one thing moves to another.  That itchy reserve nerve simply resonates to spew my displeasure at the situation.  It is draining!

I am working hard to appreciate things when they happen, in the here and now.  My life sometimes is a huge puzzle board of a waiting game.   I WAIT for the next gig only to go on said gig and WAIT to get home to my loved ones.  It is a vicious cycle that I had no idea I was a victim of, until recently.  So, I'm making a pledge to remain in the now and be at peace with my situation. Whether it be a sitzprobe or waiting in line at a midtown Duane Reade, I'm going to resolve to take it as it comes.  Yes, I'm hard core like that, have you ever been to a midtown Duane Reade?  If I make it through this little experiment I will emerge on the other side a fully satisfied Melsy.  It's a big goal, being in the hear and now.  I've struggled to be present because I live in a city who is always looking 6 months in advance.  For example I know that I will be sporting a lovely burnt orange scarf with my leather "moto" jacket this fall.  Cannot wait!

So, dear readers i charge you to take a breath, be still and feel what you feel WHEN you feel it.  NOW! and now and now and now.  Who knows what treasures we'll find?

xo

~Mel

All you need is...

Fill in the blank dear reader.  That dastardly fellow cupid is winging it's way to it's glory day.  Fast approaching is the day of chocolate, over priced roses and trinkets be-speckled with the charms and baubles of loves trappings.  You may think this a rant about the commercialism and hype of V Day but you would be wrong.

Years ago I wore black, sent sympathy cards and burned candles under the angry moon and generally raged against the idea of this little bump in the February road.  I'm a reformed rager friends,  I love Valentines Day.  Is it because I have hunk-a hunk-a burning man meat roasting on my romantic spit?  No, it's because I embrace the very idea of love in this crazy world.  I've been a closet romantic for years.  I secretly wished for a hollywood landscape strewn with petals and bubbles and shiny objet galore.  My musical score chock full of giant Bruckner-esque chords of hope and swelling amorous rises in pitch and intent.  Gone With The Wind "fabulous" has nothing on my inner romantic dreamscape.

I'm coming out.  Yep, if Jodie Foster can do it, so can I.  I'm coming out as a hopeless romantic who relishes those that I love and adore.  Yes, I do have heart shaped chocolate in my possession, yes I did hand make wrapping paper for my Valentine's day gifts, and yes, I am planning on wearing at least one item of clothing on Thursday that has a heart on it.

Romance is in the air and I'm lucky to have love in my life.  Most especially my love OF life.  I'm wrapping up all this heart felt diatribe and giving it to myself.  I'm so grateful for my existence.  I'm exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up.  So self, you will be receiving some amazing things on Thursday, the least of which is a hand crafted confection of your choosing.  As for the rest of you lovelies, you know who you are, yes, you can have a cookie or two.  For I love you and celebrate my time with your countenance.  See you Thursday.  I'll be the one glowing with love of oneself and of those around me.

Love,
~Mel

Plugging In

There is a strange part of my lifestyle that many opera singers do not talk about.  It is the mysterious, daunting, and sometimes maddening....DOWN time!  I've been truly blessed with the work I've had over the years.  My calendar is often full and I thrive off of challenges and busy schedules.  I love working hard and when I am in the midst I am at my most happy.  When I am not working, I'm often learning music, doing laundry and trying to find the social life I once had.  Now, is such a time.  Oh, I have projects I can work on.  I have many recitals this season and am learning new music for all of them... excellent.  But can one really translate and sing Brahms for 10 hours a day?  Maybe a better woman than I.

I've had the amazing opportunity to actually TAKE a vacation this August.  I visited friends in New Orleans and had such a fine time.  I spent hours by the pool, drinking fruity drinks, laughing and basking in the south that i so adore.  Honestly, why don't I live in the South?  It's where I feel most comfortable and at ease. I've been on this side of the country for 20 years.  I can hardly read the words and believe them.  Honestly, I'm such a restless soul that anywhere I put down roots my itchy feet demand that I explore and travel this big blue marble.

One thing that I have noticed since my life has evolved is that I am an isolator and a bit of a loner.  I LOVE people.  I love my friends and family but there always seems a point when I need to be alone.  I'm like Mom in that respect.  She loved her circle but sometimes was most at home in her garden or on the back porch watching her beloved birds.  She was so lucky to have found my Father early in her life and he understood this facet of her.  Sadly, I don't have that luxury.  When I'm alone, I'm alone and there are times where I wonder where the vivacious and social animal of my past went?  Am I becoming agoraphobic?  Am I simply a homebody who can spend hours reading, singing and clearing out the closet that seems to expand with each passing day.  I realized that I know thousands of people but am close to few.  My schedule is often so hectic that I've missed countless drink invites, dinner requests and parties over the years.  For this I feel horrible.  And so dear friends I'm offering a hearty apology.  I want to be present in my life.  I'm really working on this.  It's easy for me to become so involved in a project that I shutter the doors and only emerge, suitcase in hand, jetting off to a new adventure and new friends.

Well, I'm making a pledge to plug back in and enjoy my life.